I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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