TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
