I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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