Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
