when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
