My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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