Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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