Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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