went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
