There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
