I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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