2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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