dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
