well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
