i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
