you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
