Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
