Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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