My first STD was from a foam party
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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