If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
