I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
