My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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