I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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