Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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