We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
not ubering you a puppy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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