Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize