It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
