hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Drake has all the answers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
