i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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