My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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