Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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