I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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