If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
