dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
