I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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