I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
