I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
