I am spending my child support on dildos
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
