small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
