I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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