He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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