You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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