Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
