My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
