she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
