oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
