Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We just shotgunned beers for America
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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