You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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