God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
