ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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