shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
why is half of my head shaved?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
