and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
