the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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