tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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