i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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