Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
