Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
please come you make the beer taste better
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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