I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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