my being single is dangerous.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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