I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
