My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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