Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
