The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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