Cold hands, warm shart.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
