Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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