your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
