I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
