Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
