I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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