I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
