I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize