Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
