i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
