So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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