why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
