He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
