easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
