he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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