Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
