When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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