I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
