So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And then he peed in my hair
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
