im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
