She is in my trunk
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
