atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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