I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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