I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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