On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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