I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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