you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
