Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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