Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize