i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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