We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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