Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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