hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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