I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I want is dick and wine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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