You really coming over, don't trick.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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