i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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