please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need to calm my uterus...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
