is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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