She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
