Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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