jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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