No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
