My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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