i already hear my dad disowning me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
