Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
