Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
