Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
