i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
