i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
