there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
