she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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