i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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