Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
